One of the first things I will be addressing when we come to the revision process will be controlling the redundancy of my words. For example, after I include Finn’s example in my first Barclay’s formula paragraph, I use the word “brain-rotting” twice. I will try to fix how I describe Finn’s essay so that it comes off naturally with better flow. Additionally, as pointed out by Libby, I think it would be very important to omit Finn’s influence from my second Barclay’s paragraph when I talk about Liv’s article. I agree that including him would take away from Liv’s section, which makes what she says regarding how she feels about technology’s effects on kids. I also think that I should rework some of my claims to include how I feel about a particular subject. To elaborate, I will be explaining more about how I feel in the first Barclay’s formula when I talk about not being able to connect with the younger generations at my family events. I will be doing this by including an example with my nephew, explaining how I usually find myself playing his favorite game to bond with him, as he is not one for conversation. I feel like this idea also seamlessly goes along with Finn’s example, and how technology is becoming the glue to our cognitive functions.